December 19, 2009

My Family

This is my family, I thought today. When the beginning of Winter Break started, and the house was quiet except for the typing of my keys, I realized that my loneliness was a sham...


"Yes, they're having a party again." sigh, "And once again they didn't tell me about it."

"Well, that stinks." My boyfriend answered through my cell phone, "Are they boozing again?"

"Of course."

Erin was in her room, quiet as always, and Jen... Well Jen got the short stick, she is in the room downstairs with only her door between her and the rowdy party guests. We were all putting up with it because it was Tony's birthday, the only man in a house full of girls... He's gay, so don't worry.

I had come down to get a glass of water. Not really liking the taste of water, I get severely dehydrated after long periods of abstinence, and then I drink the entirety of the Nile River in a day...

Dressed in pajamas with nothing underneath, I felt a little awkward sauntering down the crooked, narrow stairs into a crowd I didn't know. But it was late, and I didn't really care about my body because I was happily with my boyfriend of a year now. The eyes kept bothering me though. I strained a smile, not really looking at anyone, and pressed my way into the kitchen.

"Oh hey!" Danielle said, her face flushed and her wiry blond hair more poofy than usual, "Sorry about the noise, we're trying to keep it down."

"It's fine, I'm just thirsty."

I grab a tall glass from the cupboard, the pitcher of filtered water from the fridge, and pour.

Taking a sip, I suddenly felt lighter, like I could breath again. Being slightly claustrophobic, perhaps the crowd did unnerve me more than I believed... With the glass, I scurried back to my room at the end of the hallway.


"Yeah, I have the Kitchen this week--God dammit!" I threw the towel I had been using to dry my hands into the sink, "I don't even eat here that often! I hardly have any food, so I don't cook anything, and yet they stick me with the messiest room in the house!"

"That's dumb. Just tell them that someone else should do it."

A day later I mopped the floor and cleaned the counter tops, but I did not wash a single dirty dish in the sink.


"Uh-huh. Wait. I smell smoke... They're probably smoking downstairs in the basement where the heater is. Fuck, now I have a headache!"

"Hmm. Smoke gives me a headache too. Take some Ibuprofen."


I want to just lie in the bed and go to sleep, I wanted to say, but the feeling that I must talk to him surpassed the fatigue. I didn't want this family; I had asked them if they watched a lot of TV, smoked, drank, and they all said "not a lot." They lied. This stupid house with its stupid lax environment. I hate it, I thought. In a place I could finally call my home, I feel even more lonely.

The hum of the heater turned off, and I buried my head underneath the sheets until the smell went away.


Right now, there is a Christmas tree in our dining room. It's leaning back against the wall because the stand is too weak to protect it from our cats. Nick, Tony's cat, always wants to climb it, even though he knows the branches are too thin to support him. Momo, my cat, eats the fake leaves and I have to constantly bat him away. Around the tree hangs five stockings: Red, White, Light Blue, Dark Blue, and Silver. Though our names aren't on them...and they probably won't be full of candy come Christmas time, they hang as watchers of the crooked tree.

"Can you guess which one's yours?" Tony asked, when I had come back from work a couple weeks ago.

I looked at them for a second. "The blue one?"

"Well duh, but which one?"

I point at the darker one. I am correct. Then I notice, my house mates stand, the first time in a long while, smiling at me despite my outward appearance and awkwardness. And more than harsh criticism, I want to say "I'm sorry."

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